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or more aptly titled: The Crucifixion of Jesus in 20 Minutes or Less *

We’ve been back from our annual (non lesbo romantic) holiday in Egypt now for a few days, but things have been hectic and I haven’t been up to writing the recap of our week long holiday. Until now that is. I have a few minutes to do a short recap of the exciting adventure that unfolded in Taba Heights, Egypt. Or perhaps I am lying a little bit because not too much happened during the week which was the entire point of the holiday, but I’m here to try to beef it up and brag a little bit to make you jealous.

Flew out of Gatwick on the 23rd. Imagine holiday travels coupled with the fact that most BA (British Airways to you good Americans) flights had been cancelled in the past few days due to heavy fog and add a package holiday deal with an unknown airline and you can only begin to imagine the frustration, rage and anger I was feeling on this particular morning. Made friendly with a few other angry people in the queue run by some moron who should probably be on a feeding tube because he wouldn’t be able to find his mouth if he were asked. Finally got through and after 5 hours of “brits on holiday” – ie families consisting of bad accents, spikey hair and screaming children – we landed in some remote desert land of Egypt. Exhausted.

Took a bus to our hotel – the Taba Heights Marriot resort. Taba Heights is an interesting (not really) place. It is basically a small area with 5 resorts, a golf course and NOTHING else. When you roll in on the bus you feel instantly secure when the men who are huddling around a fire with m16s strapped to their backs inspect your bus with a mirror for any possible bombs. Mmmn, safety first is what I always say. Fortunately our bus was not strapped with any explosives and we made it in safely.

The next few days were spent at a leisurely pace. Hanging out either poolside or seaside on loungers reading books, working on the tan. It is a strange saying “working on the tan” but this particular week in Egypt it really did feel like work. First off, it was slightly windy and slightly chilly with the temp. being about 19c/70f. This isn’t such a bad temp when you are coming from London so you throw on your bikini and you deal with it. Secondly, every time I tried to fall asleep in my lounger little stupid Egyptian flies would start landing on me. Their annoying little legs would tickle me just enough to piss me off and then the bastards would fly off. Either that or I was constantly twitching and hitting myself which made me look like a spastic. So, yes, I was working on my tan literally.

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working on my tan

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