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I haven’t officially (or unofficially for that matter) celebrated 4th of July for many years. Geez, how unpatriotic of me! How can I NOT celebrate the day of liberation for my homeland? Why not dress up in my red, white and blues?

I have many reasons for despising public holidays such as 4th of July, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, etc… but I do have specific reasons for choosing to forgo my 4th’s celebrations…

They start with the fact that in the States it seems that the 4th of July gives every idiot, non-partier the license to ill. Yipee! Don a tank top, buy a shitload of Keystone Ice, fire up the boat and get tanked. Oh and buy tons of fireworks and start firing them at least 5 days BEFORE the 4th of July.

You might be wondering why I am so annoyed at the 4th of July – especially given the fact that I haven’t lived in the US for the last 6 years to even notice that it has come and gone…

Well – every country has its own version of the 4th of July. And every country is filled with the same amount of dumbasses (and fireworks) that remind me just enough of the 4th of July to make me cringe at the very thought of them.

Take Spain for example. In Spain you have Sant Juan day. You make sure that you buy at least a stick of dynamite (petardos) for every day in the month before the date and then light it in the streets. On the day of San Juan you get to throw firecrackers at people and moving vehicles, in addition to shooting off bottle rockets to insure that you burn down your neighbours rooftop. All of this is extremely fun, trust me. Especially if you like being waken up repeatedly every night by jackass teenagers in the streets blowing things up.

In the UK you have Guy Fawkes day and the same amount of shenanigans take place. The drunks. The fireworks.

And my reasons continue from there. Mainly having to do with scars of 4th of July’s past. The overcrowding, the driving, the over-Americanisms, hot dogs, being left in Bass Lake with no money or way to get home…

So this year, yet again, I will celebrate 4th of July minus the fanfare, fireworks and public holiday off. I wish all of you Americans a great day off and a 5th of July sans a Keystone Ice hangover.

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