Is it just me of does anyone else think that Madonna should just retire and stop traumatising me with her shite music?
I have to admit that when I was in the third-grade at Manchester Elementary school in Fresno and my mom had just allowed me to get a perm (yes, an Asian with a perm – what she was thinking I have no idea) and Madonnas first album came out I was excited. I bought it – on vinyl – and listened to it all the time. Thinking back, I also had the Ghostbusters soundtrack and thought that was pretty dope too so maybe I have absolutely no taste at all. I digress.
I loved True Blue. I had a huge crush on that boy with the blue eyes in the video. I love Desperately Seeking Susan. I dug it when Madonna got all lezboish. It was hot when she was dating Warren Beaty and fucking half of her bodyguards and dance instructors. And who didn’t love it when she put out the sex book and talked vaginas?
Like a Prayer was the best: Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home. — in a Pepsi commercial with flaming crosses and hot, muscley black men.
So where did my love of Madge go sour?
Is it the kabbalah? Is it that shite movie Swept Away? Is it her annoying British accent? Is it her overly buffed upper arms? Is it her falling off the horse bullshit stunt? Is it her English manor home? Is her extremely hairy daughter Lordes? Is it her really stupid children’s books? Is it her floral print crap Prada dresses? Is it her super overlit Versace ads?
No. It is the fact that she puts out these crap albums over and over again. And I am sick of it.
And I must admit that I do hate the British accent.
I am now sitting in a hotel and this video Hung Up just came on. And that really seals the fact that I wish this bitch would retire. She is dancing on a freakin’ Dance Dance Revolution. How lame?!? Please retire. Please please please. Stop torturing me.