uses for vaseline

before you start getting the wrong idea, you should read on...

My nose is itchy. My nose is itchy and DRY. My nose is driving me crazy. At this point I will try anything to make it stop.

This has included saline drops (which sucks as a remedy) and the most recent thing suggested to me (because in England they aren’t too hip to give you crazy concoctions to stick up your nose and snort) was putting Vaseline up my nose. To lubricate it.

And the sad thing is that I am so desperate – at this point – that my nose is resembling Rudolf the Red Nose Deertrout – that I am actually doing it.

Other things that Vaseline is good for:

  • Chapped lips
  • Cuts
  • Taming your bushy eyebrows
  • Making your teeth all shiney like those pagent girls
  • Removing make-up
  • Boys can use it for…well…whatever they want
  • Greasy up hot guys on the beach and watching their skin sizzle like fried chicken

    Just remember, folks, that you are not supposed to use Vaseline with condoms…the oil breaks them down. So just stick it up your nose if you can…

    it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again