the rules

Dear Guy Dating Me,

I don’t think that my rules are that difficult to follow. Some might call them pretty easy, but here they are all layed out in crystal clear format for your viewing pleasure.

1) Respect me. Easy enough said. If you are rude, inconsiderate or a compulsive liar, then you can go away. Far away.

2) Make an effort. OK, I realise that guys just drift off into their own world of la la, but sometimes you need to come back to earth and let me know that you actually do think about me and care. Quick wins: emails, text messages, flowers (not roses), a call to say hello.

3) Don’t be jealous or possessive. We all know that I am the world’s largest flirt. I have tons of guy friends (and yes, some of them probably do want to get in my pants). But that doesn’t mean that anything is going on. There is no greater turn off than an insecure man blaming me for something I haven’t done (but just might do if you keep whining).

4) I don’t expect complete fidelity. This is something that I think we should all take a moment to think about. I am not saying to run out and cheat on me every chance you get, but at the same time I understand that everyone is human. Shit happens (as the bumper sticker says). And honestly, I don’t expect everyone to be perfect, even myself – save fidelity for marriage.

If you do cheat on me, do me the favour of never (I repeat, never) sharing your guilt with me. This is something that no one ever needs to be told by someone that they care about. Don’t tell me – I don’t want / need to know.

5) Give me some me time. I don’t want to be around you every waking second. I have a lot of friends and sometimes they are reserved only for me. I might will take off on trips and not invite you along, deal with it. At the same time, keep your own life as well and take time for you. In the end, it’ll make us both happier and add a little mystery to the mix.

6) You are officially banned from now and to forever from my girlfriends. That means that if we break up and you fancy one of them, you still aren’t allowed to go out with them. Note: this does not apply to me with your friends.

7) No drama and no games. No axes in doors, no drunken fights in a street over something stupid. I don’t want any of this. If you are feeling dramatic, go and watch a soap opera and leave me out of it.

8) Open doors for me. Simple and easy.

9) Be nice to Roley. You don’t have to love the dirty little bastard, but you have to at least pretend to get along with him.

10) Be cool and take it easy. If it isn’t fun anymore and we make each other miserable, then let’s call it quits without all the hassle of tears and blame. If there is a “soft-landing” there is a better chance that we’ll be friends forever. The most important thing is to have fun and a laugh!

Thank you,

P.S. Amendments to these rules can be made at any time by me (obviously).