Do you ever have one of those days when you have done something terribly terribly stupid and you feel like you should win the prize for the world’s biggest jackass? I am having one of those days right now. We’ll just leave it at that.

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I haven’t officially (or unofficially for that matter) celebrated 4th of July for many years. Geez, how unpatriotic of me! How can I NOT celebrate the day of liberation for my homeland? Why not dress up in my red, white and blues?

I have many reasons for despising public holidays such as 4th of July, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, etc… but I do have specific reasons for choosing to forgo my 4th’s celebrations…

They start with the fact that in the States it seems that the 4th of July gives every idiot, non-partier the license to ill. Yipee! Don a tank top, buy a shitload of Keystone Ice, fire up the boat and get tanked. Oh and buy tons of fireworks and start firing them at least 5 days BEFORE the 4th of July.

You might be wondering why I am so annoyed at the 4th of July – especially given the fact that I haven’t lived in the US for the last 6 years to even notice that it has come and gone…

Well – every country has its own version of the 4th of July. And every country is filled with the same amount of dumbasses (and fireworks) that remind me just enough of the 4th of July to make me cringe at the very thought of them.

Take Spain for example. In Spain you have Sant Juan day. You make sure that you buy at least a stick of dynamite (petardos) for every day in the month before the date and then light it in the streets. On the day of San Juan you get to throw firecrackers at people and moving vehicles, in addition to shooting off bottle rockets to insure that you burn down your neighbours rooftop. All of this is extremely fun, trust me. Especially if you like being waken up repeatedly every night by jackass teenagers in the streets blowing things up.

In the UK you have Guy Fawkes day and the same amount of shenanigans take place. The drunks. The fireworks.

And my reasons continue from there. Mainly having to do with scars of 4th of July’s past. The overcrowding, the driving, the over-Americanisms, hot dogs, being left in Bass Lake with no money or way to get home…

So this year, yet again, I will celebrate 4th of July minus the fanfare, fireworks and public holiday off. I wish all of you Americans a great day off and a 5th of July sans a Keystone Ice hangover.

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day 1


a few months old


a few years old




2nd grade


3rd grade


4th grade


5th grade


8th grade


21 years old


25 years old


29 years old


30 years old – clearly not any wiser…

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Another day, another geeky gadget. I sold my Pioneer DJM500 and one of my Technics 1200s on eBay last week. And what am I going to do with my newfound fortune? Take a trip to Thailand? Invest in more losing lottery tickets? Hell no. If you know one thing about me it is that I will need to replace it with something equally as nerdy.

Everyone welcome the Numark iDJ2. Coming soon to a flat near me…(July 27th to be precise)



The iDJ2 features a fresh and innovative new iPod docking system that allows users to play two songs simultaneously from a single iPod, without the need of a computer. Users can also hook up multiple mass storage devices including additional iPod’s™, Memory Sticks™, and external USB hard drives through rear panel USB ports. In addition to USB connectivity, the iDJ2 comes complete with line inputs for any audio source including a microphone, CD players and turntables. Anyone can easily manage a music library using the iDJ2’s new, highly intuitive graphic interface. The oversized LCD screen offers waveform display and visual track-profiling. The iDJ² allows DJs to record their musical performances to the iPod or any connected drive, in addition to full control audio play back.

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It is boiling hot in London right now. Stiffling heat really. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about it. I lived through the crap winter just to get to this point. But now I am sitting in my living room trying not to move too much in a languid daze thinking of ways to beat the heat.

I have a few tricks that I use when the summer months kick in and there is no air con to keep me cool. Figured I’d share them here…

1) Don’t own a hairless cat whose skin temperature reaches to what feels like 130 degrees. Particularly one that seems to pay no attention to the heat and insists upon sitting next to you and sharing his warmth.

2) Buy a gigantic rotating fan. Set it on stationary on level 3 pointed right at your head.

3) Wet a towel with cold water and lay it over your hotter bits. It is like heaven when the fan hits you (which it should be if you have done step 2 correctly).

4) Buy some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream sandwiches from the corner shop and enjoy.

5) Take naps frequently.

6) Make a giant jug of Pimms using all the ice in the freezer. Sit back and enjoy.

To get you started:

Stephanie’s Ultimate Pimms Recipe

1 bottle of Pimms
1 bottle of Sainsbury Lemonade
4 shots of vodka
1 orange
1 cucumber
1 lemon
1 box of British strawberries
Package of mint
1 giant bag of ice

Mix everything together in a stolen jug from the pub downstairs. Pour into thick purple glass and drink. Feel the refreshment!

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OMG – this takes me back to the days of high school when everyone would drink 40s of Cisco and then end up in the hospital having their stomachs pumped…

Cisco Fan Club

So many ways to express the love of Cisco – so little time! Peach…Green Apple…Strawberry…Red…all these amazing choices! Who’s up for getting fiesty!?

“Known as “liquid crack,” for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila. Something in this syrupy hooch seems to have a synapse-blasting effect not unlike low-grade cocaine. The label insists that the ingredients are merely “citrus wine & grape wine with artificial flavor & artificial color,” but anyone who has tried it knows better. Tales of Cisco-induced semi-psychotic fits are common. Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants. Nudity and violence may well be involved too. Turned into the bugaboo of the booze industry, today once-ubiquitous Cisco is almost impossible to find anywhere outside cracked-sidewalk slums. Ironically, this makes it more alluring to wastoids.
In 1991, Cisco’s tendency to cause a temporary form of inebriated insanity led the Federal Trade Commission to require its bottlers to print a warning on the label: [THIS IS NOT A WINE COOLER. 8 SERVINGS.] The FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, “Takes You by Surprise,” even though it was entirely accurate. ”

– from Article entitled “Mean old Cisco” in Willamette Week by John Graham
April 5, 2000

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Ahh. The joys of living above a semi-rough pub in England…

First off, we get to have all kinds of fun looking people hanging around our house drinking pints and pints of lager.

Secondly, it is great during the summer months when aforementioned patrons decide that their bladders can not hold anymore lager and they decide to piss on my front door.

And last, but not least by any stretch of the imagination, is the fact that the pub’s garbage bins are conveniently placed right in front of our door. Oh what a joy this is. It also leads me to believe that most people are complete and total morons. Their hearts seem to be in the right place, however their brains are lacking any concept of how a garbage bin actually functions…

What do I mean by this?

1) Take trash
2) Open bin
3) Stick trash in bin

This is a pretty simple process that seems to be missed by about 95% of the pub’s employees and customers.

They seem to think that if you throw the rubbish next to the bin it somehow, magically, finds its way into the bin.

Sadly this is not the case.

And I am left with a giant, piss smelling mess to step out into the fresh morning air to (and I haven’t even mentioned the time that I stepped on a nail when leaving the house).


The punchline to this entire tale is that we were phoned by our landlord last week about the garbage. Turns out that the pub has complained that we throw our garbage on the ground…


I’m not sure if I am going crazy, but as far as I remember I don’t have flyers to an event named London Calling that is hosted at the Elgin Pub that I decided to throw in front of the house. Perhaps I just forgot because I was lightheaded from the urine fumes rising from the front door…

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I am officially addicted to my Havaianas flip flops. Seriously, if I could wear them every single day of my life, I would. They are so damned comfortable and pretty cute as well. They are part of the reason that I look forward to summer! If you don’t own a pair, run out and get some and let me know how you like them.



The Havaianas Story

The Zori (a Japanese style sandal) was the inspiration for the creation of the Havaianas sandal in 1962. The name Havaianas (pronounced ah-vai-YAH-nas), Portuguese for Hawaiians, was a tribute to America’s glamorous holiday destination. The addictive nature of these flip flops is largely due to a 42-year old secret rubber formula, which makes them butter-soft, bouncy, flexible and durable.

The idea for the new sandal was so simple that its success spread like wild-fire. In less than a year, São Paulo Alpargatas was making five pairs of Havaianas every second; which adds up to 125 million pairs per year. Since their launch, 2.2 billion pairs of Havaianas sandals have been produced and sold throughout the world. If the sandals were laid end to end, they would go around the world 50 times.

In Brazil, Havaianas are beloved and worn by all personalities from the average citizen to dignataries and celebrities. Since being introduced to the United States three years ago, Havaianas have created an unprecedented cult following. Now referred to as the “best rubber sandal in the world,” Havaianas can be seen gracing the pages of the hottest fashion and sport magazines, strutting down the runways at New York Fashion Week and featured at red carpet events. Stylish Americans, including top athletes, rock stars and celebrities demanded the butter-soft comfort of these inexpensive flip flops, making Havaianas available at the most chic retailers and surf boutiques nationwide.

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