i have a love hate relationship with french laundry – the thomas keller restaurant hailed as being the best in the states.

my love relationship began several years ago when i was invited to aimee cardwell’s birthday luncheon at this gourmet lover’s mecca in yountville. me, being young and relatively new to the pleasures of fine dining, was an unexpecting virgin to the delights that awaited my inexperienced palette. ohhh, what a meal that was. the chef taster menu of 13 different delectable goodies. it was like a food orgasm exploding with every bite. if thomas keller made crack than damn it, hand me a glass pipe and let me be a crack addict.

this is where the trouble begins… my poor addiction needs to be fed. i have witnessed several years arrive and depart, yet have not been able to venture back to my king of gourmet to feel his love. this is not to say that i haven’t tried. i have done everything short of sell my first born child to get a reservation at french laundry. i have lied, cheated, stolen and begged to no avail. i am cruelly turned away by the cold sound of the busy dial tone time and time again. but, like a possesed stalker i keep trying. sometimes staying up late into the spanish evening hitting the redial button over and over with, not only the mobile phone, but my landline as well. and did i mention – for hours on end?

and damn them for turning me away. i only have a 2 week window each year when i am at home to go, but they have a 2 month window that they inevitably deny me (or even worse, tease me by putting me on the waiting list). so i have decided that i hate french laundry. i hate them for giving me the best meal of my life and then turning their back on me and letting me live the rest of my life with mediocre food.

damn you thomas keller!

by the way, if anyone can get me a reservation for the 20th or 21st of September – the number to call is 707.944.2380 and the website is www.frenchlaundry.com and it should be for 2 under the name robesky. 😉

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