You WOT?!? This is a favourite expression of one of my most darling friends, Giles aka Jackie C. The little lady from Huddersfield, UK. I haven’t the faintest idea where the hell that is, but honestly the name envokes these crazy visions of a bunch of cows running around with their teets out in the town square…No wonder she turned out gayer than a 3 dollar bill.

I met Giles a little over 2 1/2 years ago, shortly after my move to Barcelona. I was on a little field trip / store opening with Mona when I came across this lovely group of fanstatically camp fags standing on a sidewalk trying to suck the last drop out of a clearly empty cheap wine bottle. Instant love!

thoughful giles

Giles, aka Vodka Doll, then came to work at our little company after inundating me with various sex stories depicting the wet dreams of a slutty female. Who knew that he could talk vaginas in such detailed accuracy?!? I thought they made fags puke…(well, that is clearly another column).

In her spare time, Ms. VD (ha, just made that one up) likes to spend her time drinking many cans of lager and smoking ciggies whilst making fabulous house beats on her home studio. She even sings. Perhaps I can find a sample somewhere. Her loves include her cat Beyonce, masturbating on the trampoline outside, wearing coordinated coloured clothing, drinking vodka, Jackie Collins novels, Ab Fab, surfing gaydar and extremely hairy men. Oh and the latest craze is bi-sexuals. She is a fabulous dj that supplies me with the best mixed cd’s of all time.

Her dislikes include GG, fat queens, vaginas, rice cause it causes constipation and anything non-alcoholic.

xxxmas giles

Giles’ only fault is that she won’t stop farting on your sofa when you ask her to. Other than that I would say you should adopt this little lady as one of your own. If you ever go to a bar with Giles and a bottle of water emerges somewhere from the depths of her manbag, rest assured that it is not going to be water. It will be straight VODKA! Hence the name…

Recent quotes from Giles about life and Jackie Collins:

“A world where shoulder pads and animal prints are always in vogue and every self respecting girl has a qualude for breakfast.”

“Obviously my Dad freaked out and took the book away from me along with my hair crimpers.”

Vodka Doll’s home on the web