OK, really I am referring to Will and Grace, but I have decided to rename it to Jack and Karen because they are by far the best characters on the show. Grace is annoying and needy and Will is just pathetic. Honestly, like Will would really have trouble getting sex being that cute as a gay man? Puhhhlease. And Grace, well, who cares about her anyways.

On to my real and true television friends. Jack and Karen. Oh how they make my daily life sparkle a little bit more. How I dream of the day when I can be a boozy Park Avenue wife that pops pills and hangs out with her unemployed fag. Mmmnnnn…dreams, we all have to have them.

Some memorable quotes from mi amigos:

Grace : I want to marry…”the one.”
Karen : And well you should, honey. How else are you going to get to “the two” and “the three”?
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Jack : Women, can’t live with them… end of sentence.
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Karen : I think you’re missing the silver lining here. When you’re old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting.
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Karen : Good Lord. I can’t believe I’m at a public pool. Why doesn’t somebody just pee directly on me?
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Jack : Will, Will, Will, buy me a computer. I want one in tangerine to match the shoes you’re going to get me later.
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Jack : Will, I told you. You live with a hetero long enough, you’re going to catch it.
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Karen : Oh honey, I would, but… I don’t want to.
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Karen : It’s the oldest story in the book. Boy meets girl. Boy wants girl to do dominatrix film. Girls says, “Naked?” Boy says, “Yeah.” Girl says, “No way.” Boy says, “Okay how about you just wear this rubber dress and beat this old guy with a scrub brush?” Girl says, “How hard?”
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Jack : He’s a smarty pants, Will… he uses big words like ‘particularly’ and ‘delicatessen.’
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Jack : I can’t believe I’m 30. Do you know how much that is in gay years?
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Karen : Oh kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this. You cannot trust a ten year old to do a good hidden button.
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Jack : I don’t care if he’s rich or poor, fat or thin, as long as he’s rich and thin.
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Karen : Anyone homo?
Jack : I am. I am
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Karen : No one in the world would believe you’re straight. You’re as gay as a clutchpurse on Tony night. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And ya landed on a gay guy… and ya did ‘em. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space.
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Jack : 1. Five hundred thousand dollars all in fifties. 2 A Shetland pony dyed pony blue to match my eyes. 3 Powder Blue Eyes.
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Karen : You know I had a dream once. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh look, my dream came true.
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Jack : One day I hope to have a hag of my very own.
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Karen : Husbands come and go but the Chanel slingbacks are for life.
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Karen : Jack I’ve spent years and my husbands millions learning about fashion. What are your qualifications?
Jack : I’m gay.
Karen : Oh honey what would I do without you?
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Karen : I know. Let’s take pictures of us eating all this food and then show it to some homeless person.
Jack : Karen. You are such a female Jesus.
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Jack : Sex is a drug, Karen. I should know. I’m a licensed dealer.
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Karen : He saw me at the bar, thought I was a hooker… made me feel… special
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Karen : OK, rule number one. Unless you’re served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.
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Karen : Oh honey, I have a fake laugh with your name written all over it.
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Jack : Who gets married on twenty-thou? My dress alone will cost fifteen.
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Jack : You’re my new best friend. Call me every five minutes.
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Jack : There are no straight men. Only men who haven’t met Jack.
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Karen : How did you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?
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