where do i even begin to speak about my girl ornella? when i say girl, take that lightly. i actually mean WOMAN. ornella is pure italian, hot blooded WO - MAN. ornella is the best of the best. the choicest prime rib that the world has to offer. i don’t think in my entire life i have ever met anyone quite like her. i mean that in good ways and maybe even in bad ways.

the afro funk of ornella

i met ornella three years ago at a party in miami after being introduced by our mutual friend marco. marco had described her to me as a person that i MUST meet because she was crazy, fun, beautiful, loud, etc… and we would get along perfectly. i wonder if he knew how perfectly…? we met and ended up spending the entire week seeking each other out at parties, drinking, going mad basically. half of the time i didn’t even know what the hell she was saying through her thick itali-english accent, but i knew that i liked it. this girl had some spunk like you couldn’t imagine.

rudy, ornella, and marco

needless to say, the week of fun in the sun ended and we parted ways with the promise of meeting up in london or elsewhere. sometimes you make these promises only to never phone the person again… with ornella that was hardly the case. 3 weeks later she arrived on my doorstep with a 500 lb. bag of clothes, a case of promo records, and her party shoes on.

i can’t even remember how long she stayed, but the best part about it was that i didn’t even get annoyed in my usual way. she would disappear for a few days if she sensed i had had enough, only to reappear with bags and bags of clothing from her favourite store, H&M.

ornella and i have been all over the world. from amsterdam to london to rome to miami. whenever i am feeling a bit sad, this girl will somehow use her psychic ability to phone me on my mobile with invites to fabulous parties at undisclosed locations.

she also has to be the best pimp in the world with an obscense number of hot male friends that she is always willing to introduce one to.

did i mention that she is my italiana mamma who allows me to sleep on the sofa for 24 hours and then feeds me tons of homemade pasta and meatballs to cure my hangovers?

three other facts about ornella that I have to document here for the world.

one – she has the best laugh I have ever heard in my life. it is this high-pitched, crazy, rapid-fire giggle laugh that you know comes from deep within. there is nothing fake about it. and it never fails to make me laugh as well.

two – she is the absolute craziest driver I have ever sat in a car with. seriously, I think I am going to die every time I am a passenger in her little mini cooper. she tells me that it is the way that all roman’s drive. scary.

three - she is a bitch. she really is. but she is the bitch with the biggest heart i have ever met. just don’t get on the bad side of her, because like her driving, i’m sure it is a scary prospect.

the laugh