it’s been a while since someone sent me any love letters. about damned time…

From: “Josh”
To: stephy@nerdgirl.com
Subject: you are not a nerd.
Date: Sun, 02 Jun 2002 15:38:09 +0000

well the subject line pretty much sums everything up. I have decided
that
you have no nerd credentials and should probably stop calling yourself
“nerdgirl” if you want to maintain any semblance of nerdiness (though I
doubt you care).

As fun as it looks, wandering around drunk in Europe while working for
a
tech-boom startup does not make you a nerd. Nor does being a faghag;
indeed
I think the two are polar opposites. While I certainly believe that you
are
smart, it is my opinion that you belong to a different breed
altogether. You
are much too attractive and much too social to ever even approach
nerdiness.
Nerdy people DO NOT get to go to “pornstar parties” at Cannes. They
would be
afraid and would never clear customs anyways. Nerdy people do not have
indoor-sunglasses or halter-tops or pictures of them with 200 random
guys
all over the world.

Nerdy people are the kind of people who find and flame websites at 3
am.
They don’t break up with boyfriends, and they don’t have casual sex (or
an
80% slut rating). They don’t care if no one can mix Cosmo’s in Spain,
and
(have I mentioned this yet?) they just don’t ever get anywhere near the
pornstar party at Cannes.

I guess I am just a little bothered that you are the best example of a
nerdgirl that the internet could cough up. There are real nerds in the
world, who don’t have looks or social skills to fall back on. They are
simply plugging away, keeping the world functioning for people like
you. It
is a completely thankless job and everyone still just ignores them. I’m
sure
you’ve probably been asked out once or twice by some sketchy-looking
member
of your company’s IT department, and what did you say? Remember, this
is a
real nerd we are talking about here, someone who mistook your niceness
for
avalibility, and forgot that if he thinks you’re hot, so too do all the
slimy beefcakes down at the dance club. Did you really go out on a date
with
him? Let alone kiss him? (but he’s still a great friend…)

You give nerds hope, which I contend is a dangerous thing. You tell the
world about your “nerdy” life and how fun it is, and therefore normal
people
lose all understanding of how tough it really is for nerds. And nerds
read
your site and think that one day, they too will be met by the magic
“hot”
fairly and go from being boring and ugly to being pretty and fun. Which
will
never happen.

I’ve known girls *just* *like* *you*, and they were not, are not, and
will
never be nerds. They only use the term to keep their raging egos in
check,
and as an easy conversation starter pre-casual sex.

Sorry for being a total asshole (but I had to say it),

Josh the nerd